Kelly Olynyk Borrowed ‘Michael’s Secret Stuff’ from Thomas
After a surprisingly great game 7, Celtic’s seven-footer, Kelly Olynyk, sat down with reporters. Olynyk had 26 points on 28 minutes, and contributed to every aspect of the Celtics game. After averaging only 10.4 points for this series, we were wondering how this gargoyle could hang with the big dogs.
“You know, I found this blue and yellow bottle in Isaiah’s locker.” Olynyk said. “He told me I should use some on my hair. I think it helped my man bun stay put.”
We asked Isaiah Thomas the same question.
“Yo, don’t tell Kelly, but that’s some of Michael’s Secret Stuff. It only works for a few people. Michael got it from Kobe and then Kobe gave it to me. You gotta look like one of the Monstars for it to work. I’m almost a spitting image of Mugsy Bogues plus a few inches, and Olynyk, that dude looks like a hipster Shawn Bradley Monstar. You know, the tall, ugly, blue one?”
Unfortunately, Isaiah used all the secret stuff this series, and does not look forward to the Celtics being blown out during the Eastern Conference Finals.