NFL Satire

ESPN Cuts Field Yates’ Hours Citing CT Child Labor Laws

ESPN on-air personality, Field Yates, was not exempt from this week’s cuts in Bristol.  The fantasy football expert was reduced to six hours per day, after ESPN discovered Yates’ real age, 15.  In Connecticut, 14 and 15-year-olds are limited to a six-hour work day per state law.  We caught up with Field in the ESPN cafeteria, eating lunch that his mother packed for him.

“You know, I think this is blessing in disguise.  It gives me more time to hang out with my friends, and I’ve been thinking about joining the debate team, maybe even yearbook club, next year.  Still, I think I can balance out my extra-curriculars with my time at ESPN.  I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I want to keep my options open.”

We asked ESPN how in the world they hired a 15-year-old.

“We are really progressive company,” said the ESPN spokesperson “Normally, we don’t include gender, age, or race on our job application.  I mean, we still don’t know what Chris Broussard is!  But when it comes to Field, he seemed mature at first, but it was the constant giggling and Bieber poster in the dressing room that tipped us off.”

Yates, a Sophomore and Student Council Vice President at Bristol High School, has high ambitions for his future career.  His co-host, Matthew Berry, on the other hand, is still under fire for illegally broadcasting ESPN from the satellite dishes he calls ears.


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